Reframing
How you talk to yourself can stress you out.
You can test this now if you like, by closing your eyes and saying something untrue, negative or painful to yourself over and over a few times, then noticing how you feel.
You might like to try something that starts with the words “I don’t want to…” (For example, “I don’t want to get sick” or “I don’t want to get fired”, “I don’t want to my car to break down”, or, “I don’t want to my partner to cheat on me.”)
People that I’ve done this exercise with report quickly feeling tense, closed, tight, finding it harder to breathe, headachey– stuff like that.
Now please try it again, this time flipping the “I don’t want… “ phrase into a “I DO want … “ phrase. (For example, “I want to be healthy and well for a very long time”, or “I want to keep my job for as long as I choose”, or “I want my car to work everytime I need it”, or “I want my partner to treat me with care and respect”.) Then close your eyes and say it over and over a few times, and notice how you feel.
People report feeling things like: lighter, warm inside, more relaxed, a sunshiney feeling, calmer, “I can breathe”, relief and more spacious.
Far out! Here’s a large physiological change created only by the words you use to talk to yourself inside your own head for a 20 seconds or so.
Imagine the tension in a person’s system after talking to themselves negatively like this all day. And it’s a very common thing to do, right?! Show me a human being who doesn’t quietly criticise themself inside their head from time to time? Or talk repetitively to themselves about their fears?
So, just to say, a person can regulate themselves by noticing what they are telling themselves and how they are talking to themselves. Then checking whether it’s accurate, factual, and about what they do want, rather than what they don’t. And if not, then reframing it so it is and talking to themself this way instead.
For example:
“This economy sucks” could become:
“This economy feels sucky right now.”
Or, "I want more safety and security."
Or, “I’m flexible and resourceful”
Or. “With change comes new opportunities.”
