Here’s the takeaways and ah-hahs you’ve been anonymously sharing. (Thank you for them.) 🤩

✨ Be patient: Being able to talk openly about the difficulties with money and the frustrations can make it easier to deal with them as they come up. It is not anyone's fault, so working through it rather than just being stressed can help manage it.

✨ Building the Muscle of What’s Important

I have seven things on my list to focus on, and it feels both encouraging and validating. It’s reassuring to see that I’m already taking positive steps, and this reflection has reminded me how much I’m doing to connect with my financial goals and values.

I’m reviewing my husband’s and my superannuation, and am setting up a 30-minute meeting with a financial advisor to gain more clarity and direction. I’ve started listening to the visualisations in HiMoney, and I’ve been to the library and got out Girls That Invest which i plan to start reading this weekend :-) it's all helping me think more about investing—I plan to start a Sharesies account and begin investing small savings, like money saved on petrol or groceries.

Looking ahead, my husband and I plan to read The Barefoot Investor together in the new year, which will help us align our goals even further. I’ve also committed to having encouraging and plentiful conversations with money, reframing how I think and talk about it in my daily life.

This process of connecting my feelings with the questions “What is money for?” and “Why does it matter to me?” has been really valuable. Realising that I can support my goals both financially and in non-monetary ways has helped me build the muscle of aligning my actions with my values, and tap into the feelings of security and freedom, which is what I want for my life. I feel proud that I feel like I am taming the beast (previous relationship with money) and learning to fall back in love with money.

✨ My objection : I worry that if I have a comfortable and anxiety-free relationship with money, I will become complacent and end up in a worse situation because I take my eye off the ball. I have realised that this is partially because I have seen this happen with other people - friends and family who are very casual and care-free with money and have ended up in severe amounts of debt. Thinking through this objection, I can see that there is a middle ground where I can feel comfortable and stop being anxious but still be proactive and check in on my financial health to make sure I don't put myself in a bad position.

✨ My money beliefs update:

Too much money is vulgar - Having more money allows me to do more good and be more generous with my heart and home.

Money is a constant source of stress and anxiety - Money is not a source of stress but a tool I am learning to manage with confidence and intention, creating security and opportunities for my future. I choose to focus on gratitude for what I have and the progress I’m making.

It feels too hard - money feels easy. Money feels easy because I have systems in place and the knowledge to manage it well.

✨ Reflecting on my relationship with money brings up a lot of emotions, mostly rooted in a feeling of anxiety and frustration. Money has always been a constant presence, both as a source of responsibility and pressure. For years, I’ve been the primary earner and caregiver, a role I embraced while raising my young children. However, navigating a divorce in my early 40s added a layer of financial strain that I didn’t foresee. It meant starting over with a 30-year mortgage, even though I’d been paying into one since I was 20. This feels like a setback, especially as housing prices have climbed over the years, and I’ve consistently carried a big mortgage burden. 

Shifting careers into Early Childhood Education, after losing my job for the sixth time, has been both empowering and challenging. Supported by my parents, who have stepped in to help with the mortgage as I pursue my degree, I’m in a period of reinvention. I’m currently earning minimum wage and working part-time in my previous field, which provides some stability. Yet, even with this forward motion, there’s a persistent feeling of financial instability – like I’m living week to week despite a long history of hard work. That sense of starting over, of being financially vulnerable despite years of dedication, fuels my complex emotions around money.

✨ Growing up, money was respected in my family but not something that weighed on us heavily. I have memories of being able to enjoy life without worrying much about finances. My parents were responsible and practical, instilling in me the mindset to “live within your means” and “don’t spend what you don’t have.” These words, along with their generous nature, shaped my early relationship with money. My family’s approach to giving and receiving is rooted in kindness and support, values I’ve carried with me into my adult life. Now, even with limited finances, I find ways to give back—whether by sharing plants I’ve grown or cooking for friends. I am also immensely grateful for the support my parents have provided, especially as I navigate a career shift into Early Childhood Education.

The turning point in my money story came with my divorce in my early 40s, a period that forced me to rebuild my life. I found myself starting over with two young children and a 30-year mortgage despite having been a homeowner since my 20s. It was a moment that left a lasting impression on my financial outlook, intensifying my sense of responsibility and often a feeling of starting from scratch. Throughout my life, I have maintained a large mortgage, a reality that, paired with rising house prices, has sometimes made financial freedom feel out of reach.

Looking back, my happiest money memories stem from a time when I didn’t have to think much about it, particularly in my teenage years. Since then, I’ve become a disciplined budgeter, carefully managing expenses on a fortnightly basis to avoid any surprises. I also contributed to a superannuation fund early on, but the experience taught me hard lessons about fees and market volatility. However, that fund did help secure my home during tough times when my children were young and their father was out of work—a silver lining that underscored the importance of long-term planning.

If I could send a message to my younger self, I would remind myself to seek out financial advice, yet with caution, given the profit-driven nature of banks and the complexities of retirement planning. Over the years, I’ve become acutely aware of the challenges in finding unbiased financial guidance. This awareness has shaped my ongoing journey with money, leading me to prioritize security and self-sufficiency, even in the face of life’s unexpected twists.

Ultimately, my relationship with money has evolved from a casual, almost carefree experience in my youth to a structured, sometimes anxious partnership. The support of my family and my dedication to careful budgeting help me keep moving forward, as I work to create a future that reflects both my personal goals and the lessons learned from every chapter of my financial story.

✨ What is money for?
Money gives me security and freedom. It helps me live, work where I want, and choose how I spend my time. It allows me to follow my passion for working with children, travel the world, and use my skills to make a difference. Money gives me peace of mind and lets me enjoy simple things, like spending time in my home and garden or practising mindfulness. It supports a life full of adventure, connection, and meaningful experiences.
Money helps me grow and connect with others. It’s a tool I use to create opportunities and do what matters most to me. I’m grateful for everything money has done for me and the life it helps me build.

Why does money matter to me?
Money helps me feel secure and live a stable life. It allows me to do what I love, enjoy time with my family, and plan for a peaceful retirement. It matters because it helps me feel confident about my future.
Money also lets me build a joyful life. It supports my dreams of teaching, exploring the world, and caring for my family. I appreciate what money has already done for me and the possibilities it brings.
Right now, money is helping me build stability during this big career change and time of study. It allows me to focus on my passion for working with children, travelling, and enjoying simple pleasures. Money supports my vision of a peaceful, meaningful life with time, space, and strong connections.

Key Themes: What is Money For?
1. Security
Money helps me feel safe and stable.
• Non-monetary ways to feel secure:
o Focus on gratitude for the things I already have.
o Walk with a friend or family member on the beach to strengthen relationships.
o Take daily walks or practice mindfulness.

2. Time, Choice, and Space
Money gives me the freedom to choose how I spend my time.
• Non-monetary ways to create time and space:
o Spend time in nature, like beach or bush walks.
o Take quiet moments to reflect, breathe, or read.
o Run a bath and have a big soak.

3. Connection and Nurturance
Money supports caring for others and building relationships.
• Non-monetary ways to nurture connection:
o Host potluck dinners, BBQ’s or craft sessions with friends.
o Share homemade gifts, like plants or food/baking.
o Spend quality time with loved ones doing simple activities.

4. Fun, Excitement, and Adventure
Money allows me to experience new things and have fun.
• Non-monetary ways to add fun:
o Soak in the spa or have wellness days with friends.
o Go for swims, beach walks, or other free adventures.
o Put on music and dance around the house!

5. Comfort and Peace
Money helps me create a safe, enjoyable environment.
• Non-monetary ways to feel comfort:
o Enjoy my home by gardening or relaxing in my favourite spaces.
o Practice mindfulness and gratitude.
o Unwind by reading a book or listening to a podcast or doing a jigsaw (while listening to a podcast! 😊).

✨ My relationship with money is good because I have seen how other people miss treat that. I have worked in Debt collection and I saw what shit use of money can lead to. So my relationship is now very strict and I manage money. I sometimes hide it in other bank accounts so that I have some other pots of gold

✨ My money story comes from poor family, but we still always managed to get things. I quickly learned that sometimes we just DON’T buy things that are overpriced - so when I was asked as a child do you want this - I said no because I knew that it was overprices. So being careful with money and not spending when I don't have to - is one of my personality traits now. We are wealthy right now as my family, but we are still going strong on our savings and not overspending. In fact me and my husband we push each other to spend on things that we actually would enjoy - such as 500$ cold play concert. I don’t think my relationship with money will change, it will stay like this until the end

✨ My believe is when you have a lot of money, money comes to you - but if you have small money, money does not come. Money can be passive income. Money can be easy, but it needs to be smart - not like lottery tickets, but having a small business where you get money, you don’t have to go to mines to get rich. Work smart, not hard.

✨ Money is freedom. security and fun. money is indication of success. Best things in life are free, but you only get to enjoy them if you have money- this is the irony of life.  Can there be success without money? Yes. In sport. In arts. In family. In kids. Kids actually hate our money because it steals the attention from them. For kids to be a successful adults - money does not matter, you need to be fun and adventures.

✨My takeaway from reflecting on my money story: I'm realising that there is very little happy or satisfaction in this money story so far.

✨ My takeaway from reflecting on my current money beliefs: I have absorbed so many of my negative beliefs about money from my parents. There is a big education gap for me that I could not even see. My self worth is tied directly to my desire and ability to negotiate for, advocate for and educate myself. As that grows, so does my curiosity and engagement.

✨ I can't wait to see my progress.

✨ My takeaway is: Money is connected to relationships. My parents had a lot of money troubles (some their fault, some not their fault) and it caused a lot of strain on their relationship. I worry that my marriage will be impacted in the same way.

✨  My relationship with money: Complicated. If money were a person, they would be someone I desperately want to like me, but that I don't necessarily enjoy being around, because they make me feel insecure. When I decide not to care about them, I feel a lot happier and more abundant. It's as if in seeking security, I lose it.

✨My takeaway from reflecting on my current relationship with money: The way I currently operate is hard and cruel towards myself. My mentality is hyper vigilant and depriving. Everything comes with a cost and this feels normal. But also like a cage.

✨ Objection takeaway: Biggest objection is my adhd. I don’t think I am capable of a consistent flow. I get all the momentum and then if I focus on something else for a hot minute, it’s like all that work and time never happened. And avoidance. I am not sure I can take action before things hit rock bottom. It’s has taken me a lifetime to accept and even say out loud what others have had to elude to. I am disorganised and sloppy. Not putting myself down but I have to confront this behaviour to change it. I can’t manage as much as others so I now I have motherhood and working things like “tidiness” and “financial planning” has slid off in a major way. Even though those things help the motherhood bit! Ultimately I worry if I try I will just set myself for failure.

To satisfy this objection I can ask my partner to give gentle and well timed prompts or reminders.
Perhaps we can even do it together if we find a suitable time each week where we are not stressed or tired. Even a money date!
And lastly MAKE THAT APPOINTMENT AT THE BANK. Be upfront about my neurological weaknesses and sort the best plan for my money matters, so have a shitshow of actually saving.

✨ For unshakable, my aha moment around why I need money combined a couple of modules together. I realised that I need money to be able to relax and spend those 'unproductive' hours to relax and unwind and find joy with my family. It was astounding to realise that I might feel richer if I worked less. As a self-employed person this is challenging but I am going to make an effort and begin to trust that working every hour available might not result in more monetary success in business (and therefore life).
Here's to the things that we don't need money for in order to feel rich. Let's sit with those a bit more often.

✨ This module encouraged some self-enquiry about my current relationship with money. I've realised that I am at a place where I would like to change some of my beliefs around money -and the ways I interact with it- but I'm not quite sure how to action that just yet. I have always had quite a turbulent relationship with money and have been quite a frivolous spender. I would like to feel less anxiety towards money and more calmness!

✨ Writing about my story I realise there’s lots of shaming, blaming and hiding. Woah.

✨ Thinking about, if money were a person what I’d say about them or what sort of relationship I have with them was big! … Mine: I don’t get them. Who are you? I can’t get close enough to you to have any relationship with you.
So cool.

✨ JOY isn't on my list and yet that's something I'd like money to participate in, because it sure as shit participates in the opposite of joy - stress, fear, misery. I'd like to flip that and get it being a good actor rather than a bad.

✨ have never thought I could control money. I find the idea of a lower limit understandable, but the idea of an upper limit makes me incredulous. As though having more than just enough is an impossibility. Like Willy Wonka or something. I have somehow felt money was bestowed, not something I could control.

✨ Boom n bust. My relationship to money is largely neglectful, with bouts of being passionately obsessed. I will um and ah over spending $50 on a nice perfume and then won't think twice about dropping $18 on a fancy smoothie. THERE'S ZERO LOGIC to my spending habits. And I don't like being told no (even by myself), and will smash financial boundaries I've set for myself, even if that means emptying my account.
Interestingly, this is how my money comes in too. In big pockets of cash and then nothing for ages. Which isn't great for the nervous system. What I want is a nice, easy, respectful and exciting relationship with money.

✨I’m excited to learn more and actually action it! I want to plan and understand that what I do now directly impacts future me and what my life looks like.

✨My Money Relationship is: Always idolising other people's relationship with money and thinking their situation is better. I've realised our relationship is a bit toxic! I swing from feeling obsessed by you, checking that you're still there (saving) to pushing you away in favour of material things (big splurges). I've realised that either way there's an element of control. Let's try and be more calm and chill with each other eh?

✨Getting into alignment is: Writing a letter to my future self sets my intentions right from the beginning of this programme and reinforces my why. Now I know clearly how I want to feel in 12 months - time to start making that feeling a reality.

✨ An aha moment when I started writing about money as a relationship, and a bit of an 'oh no!' Thinking back on past relationships revealed an inherent lack of trust. Not trusting that a relationship would last, that a good thing couldn't be forever, always a feeling of instability and anxiety. Same with money. I've made big progress over the past couple of years from where I once was - I've finally paid off my student loan after 20 years, most of my credit card debt (ditto), put money into emergency savings - despite working part-time/being self-employed/having health issues, and not earning a huge amount. But in lean times (like now), the anxiety is coming back - how can I make what I have last? When will it all be gone? I feel safe when I know that I have enough money coming in to live on for at least the next six months. I feel unsafe and worried when I don't.

✨ My takeaway from Intro: I'm ready to make some changes and understand my attitudes and relationship with $$$.

✨ My takeaway from having a conversation with money is: This exercise made me think about what I want from money; how I could make it work for me a bit more than me working for it! How much I want it to stick around longer!

✨Beliefs: My money beliefs are that other people control my money and can take it from me. That people who have lots of money have it because they gained it unjustly/are bad people. Money is a cause of tension.

✨Ideal relationship is: Like a life long best friend. The kind you trust deeply to always have your back and your best interests at heart. She fun too, the wholesome kind that leaves you with an after glow, not the kind of fun that leaves you with a bad hangover and deep regrets every time you play.

✨ That money isn’t really about money but it’s about what I value and who I value. How I spend or relate to money reflects that.

✨ Recognising the shame I carry around about money. That my money journey is fluid- there are times of stress and equally times of abundance. The key step will be learning how to utilise the times of abundance more wisely and not get trapped in my scarcity mindset.

✨I'm worried about the future but doing nothing about it because I'm too scared.

✨ To take my time, but very excited to let go of old mindset!

✨ I’m fearful and anxious about money right now. It causes a tightness in my chest and my throat. If it was a person, I would worry about it A LOT.

✨ My takeaway is Stay Curious and Be Gentle

✨ Money provokes such strong feelings - my response to it is always one extreme or the other, or both:

✨I hate thinking about money (because I feel like I never have enough of it), but then I end up thinking about money a lot (because I'm always dreaming of having lots of it and therefore then not needing to worry or think about it at all!). 

I hate money (because it makes me feel bad) / I love money (because of what it can buy that can make you feel great, like clothes and holidays!)

I try to ignore it, but it gnaws away at my attention. I barely ever sit down and really focus on my overall money situation and fully take the reins, I instead just float along and only pay attention when I'm on the verge of a disaster like an overdue bill or account that's nearly gone into overdraft. Sometimes it feels very childish for an adult to behave so blindly and irresponsibly! Because of all this, I also don't ever properly focus on all the things I want to do with my life that require saving money for. :)

✨ I've only just realised how I took on the blame and fault for my parents' money problems. When they were made bankrupt, my father went into a deep depression and was angry (well angrier) after that. Because he was so angry with us girls, I felt responsible for it. And his disapproval of my career choices ever since has only reinforced this.

✨ I've always thought of money as a scarce resource. From a very young age it was instilled in me that I have to work hard to earn money. I did that from a young age, getting very creative - selling scarves and other creations. I witnessed my parents work ethic and drive to create stability and that's definitely influenced me. My tendency to self-sabotage whenever I spend money on myself has progressively become worse since having kids and getting a mortgage.

✨I found this exercise (unshakeable)  really helpful to shift my mindset. There are other ways to bring joy into my life that don't involve money. I tend to get stuck in the rut and fixed on ideas that I need xx amount and then I'll be good. But the goal post always shifts.

✨ My Takeaway Is...: Be honest with myself, reflect deeply, take notes and have fun with this. Knowledge is power and knowing yourself is even more powerful.

✨ My story Is... - No-one ever spoke about money and how to use it smartly.
- Investing what is that? It is for really rich people.
- If you love it buy it, but where does the money come from?
- Spend money on health, buy the best food.
- Have nice items and interior. Never the best, but still nice.
- Op shopping is great for getting home items, but then you cant keep buying things you dont need.

✨ My Goal is... to feel empowered and to feel safe with money.

✨ Money WHY Is... great way to understand what money means to me. It gives me to power to be independent, secure, flexible with choices I can make, and help my family. And also makes me think about what things I don't need money for.

✨ I have let fear of money (ie. not having enough of it, not knowing how best to manage it, slipping back into old, bad habits, being given bad advice, fucking up my future, it affecting my relationships, it changing who I am, it being this many-headed beast I must wrangle amidst everything else in my life!) hold me back for so long. I’m so tired of this fear impacting the decisions I make about my life. This fear has cost me years. I am determined to change this mindset. Thanks so much for helping me lift the lid on this big can of worms. 💚

✨My relationship is and can change, like all relationships. Although there is a lot of shame around my previous relationship with money, I feel that we're coming to a space of newness and creating a new relationship. One that is transparent, open, healthy, exciting and I'm keen for this relationship to be prioritised so that we can support each other into curating a life I love.

✨ I deserve this! My takeaway is, that as a wahine I owe it to myself and my niece to change my money story and create a relationship that fun, flirty and fabulous.
I know my 'why' so it's now time to up level and create a new dynamic.
I can do this.

✨Ideal Money Relationship: I want a money partnership, where Money and I have mutual trust, respect, communication and some good times! I also want some alone time, where we've automated our relationship to grow things together but also giving each other space where there is no worry or anxiousness cause our foundation is solid and we're moving in the right direction together.

✨Objections: If I had all of the money I wanted, my concern is that I'd feel guilty having the money that I do, and that I'd feel so guilty that I'd give it away to others out of guilt, especially my family. EEEEK! However, having a better relationship with money and having more money, will enable me to give to people I love and causes I care about in a way that fits within my personal boundaries

✨What I've come to realise over the last couple of weeks is that I'm very pessimistic about money. The way I look at it is through a very negative lens and that has then been reflected in my perspective of everything else around me. Yes we are strapped for cash but I don't want that awful feeling of scarcity and limitedness to creep into our family experiences and adventures. I'm ready to put in the work to change that.

✨Beliefs: I have to dig quite deep for these. It feels like I have numbed my beliefs in an attempt to dull the shame and embarrassment about my money decisions in the past. I'm working to heal and care for myself around my past choices so that I feel safe to dream and achieve my money life.

✨I realised that one of my biggest money beliefs is that money isn't even real and so if I save up a lot of money, it's just a number sitting on a screen and it could disappear at any moment. 
I'm more of a money under the mattress kinda gal, or a have money will spend kinda gal.

✨My takeaway is... being more engaged with this programme?! I was wondering why I was missing out or feeling less engaged that others are, and it's because I totally missed the bit where we can work through the programme and give insights. My error completely; I've found it now!

✨I see why Talking To Money is your favourite module! Personifying money has had a demystifying effect for me. I've decided I need to start treating money as I would like to be treated. If I want Money to stick around long term I need to show Money more gratitude and respect - and acknowledge what it's capable of if I give it some attention.

✨Money beliefs: I hadn't realised how much my childhood experiences with money have affected my current money beliefs and how much I still let this affect my financial decisions, despite being in a different context now. Great reflective module!

✨The modules so far have made me realise that I have never had a proper, healthy, or good relationship with money! I am scared of it and this fear makes me ignore it as much as possible. I constantly ghost it, but expect it to be my friend and ally!
I think it's because I never had a lot of money growing up, have never, ever been paid a lot of money (post-grad university-educated, but working in traditionally female-dominated publishing jobs and thus—still, very—low-paid), and have never been any good at saving money. Have had some bad financial luck too, and therefore I often feel total powerlessness and despair regarding money (don't laugh, but I have even sometimes wondered whether I had a curse on me from another life - some kind of karma that meant that I just wasn't meant to have any money in this life! (Money for me means having enough to feel secure, freedom to make choices, and to have more opportunities to enrich my life and my childrens'--oh, and a Prada handbag would be nice 🙂).
My (overwhelming at times) sense of unworthiness stems from always having been poorly paid compared to the majority of my friends , despite being highly skilled and extremely hard-working, and because I was disinherited. I come from a traditional background on my father's side, and my only sibling, my brother—the boy--was given, stole, and inherited just about everything from my parents and the little I was left with I had to fight for and then take out enormous bank loans to repair.
The truth is, if there had been equality and fairness in my family—which there was meant to be (my late, feminist NZ mother promised this) , I actually would have money.
It is depressing, but I do not feel sorry for myself or defeated, and I'm always putting in the mahi to make things better, but I have had big obstacles in the way of a healthy, positive outlook towards money--and these are gender-based for sure. I know I need to take more control of $ and build a stronger mental framework from which to transform my circumstances!